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My brain reminds me of a computer in Safe Mode. Safe Mode is an option you use to figure out why a computer isn’t responding normally. In safe mode the operator can start or stop processes that the computer normally does automatically in order to diagnose the problem. This reminds me of my brain. I need to constantly think about things like posture or what my body is doing at any given moment. Cerebral Palsy has made it impossible for me to do this automatically like some people.. Sometimes it frustrates me because its difficult for me to think about controlling my body, and all the other things I have to do. I’m trying my best.

Artists look at the the world in unique and paradoxical ways. They  smell roses where others smell fumes. They see light in darkness, hear music in silence and exult the beauty in the mundane. Above all they understand how to shape and chisel at their attitude and thinking the way Michelangelo would shape marble for his David. All the while, they may be driven by impulses even they can’t fully understand.

I understand that sort of thinking. I live in a circumstance which is profoundly effected by my own mental state. The same could be said of anyone, but, one of the first things that I learned in my life is that thought influences action. Thoughts must be sculpted and shaped by a disciplined mind in order to have a positive affect on circumstance. I have learned recently that it is easier to make art with a positive attitude.

When I was younger, I always wanted to work in Video Games. They were something me and my able-bodied friends could participate in together equally. I wanted a job making them. Growing up taught me I didn’t have the programming aptitude. I moved on to other things. Recently I’m enjoy writing reviews for a video game site. All those old feelings have returned. I’m working in video games. Not the way I originally envisioned, but its still true. Its funny how things come full circle.

I enjoy Urban Fantasy, where the real world and the fantasy world mesh. I enjoy The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher Harry’s snark speaks to me. He is deep with a well- realized backstory. I hope to build my characters like that. Writers need to read whatever they can to improve their craft.

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view

Alone by Edgar Alan Poe

Edgar Allen Poe understood Isolation. He dealt with sickness as a child and couldn’t participate with his peers. I guess its true, when its difficult to interact with others, it forces one to look inward and become introspective. I’ve noticed that in my life too. But I think Poe knew the value of writing as therapy Writing helps me get my negative thoughts outside of myself to see if they’re valid or not? I wonder if Poe felt the same way?

Joseph Cambell discovered the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hero%27s_journeyIt is a template that can be used to deconstruct every myth of every culture in the world. Heroes, villans gods, demons, these are tools used by people to construct explanations for things they don’t understand.

Shape-shifting is a common ability for mythic gods. They could change themselves to fit in any situation. Ideas can do the same thing. They can help us through any situation as long as we think clearly and with purpose.

Myths are parables. Myths exist to explain the unexplained, an answer the unanswerable. Central to myths are lessons. The Monolithic hero, usually has something about him which separates him from all those around him. He must go on an epic journey in order to understand why he is different He comes back with knowledge to improve his life and that those around him. Usually the story question involves learning how to accept his uniqueness and through his acceptance, solve the problem.

The story question is the foundation of the whole story. It is answered at story’s end.

When Plato wrote The Republic in
514a–520a, it was to illustrate the affect of education on human beings. Plato thought that without the light education brings, people are ignorant and will only see the world as shadows on a cave wall.

Being inspired to write a story is a lot like being in a cave. At first there is absolute darkness. But if I look hard enough, there’s little points of light which will slowly light my way to a satisfying ending. I think Plato would approve of my allegory.

I sometimes find myself wondering what my life would be like if I wasn’t born with Cerebral Palsy I wonder how I’d be different if I could walk, run, Drive a car, or just simply use the bloody toilet by myself.I think about how I would be different. I call this “Mourning For A Shadow” If I focus too much on what I do not have, or what cannot be done I will fall down a depressive rabbi hole from which I cannot easily extricate myself. My disability has taught me a lot about a Mindfulness and disciplining my own thoughts.

Here are some tricks that help me if I find myself focusing on the negative.

1. I stop what I’m doing.

2. Get away from the current environment.

3. Focus on one good thing that happened that day until I’m calm. Then my attitude will change over time.

What do you do if you mourn for shadows?

Happy independence Day. I hope its fun and enjoyable.