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Over halfway done with Manuscript. Hard but worth it.

If one studies literature, one can learn many lessons that can be applied to daily life. They’re many lessons to be found in Milton’s 1667 poem, Paradise Lost. At its heart, this poem is about dealing with consequences and learning how to accept life. Milton says that “The mind is its own place and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell and a Hell of Heaven.” I think that this quote illustrates the fact that often in life, circumstances are beyond our control and all we can do is change how we think about them. A positive attitude is important. No matter how bad you think life is, things can always be worse. With the wrong attitude, things will be made worse. Attitude is important.

“If you give birth to that which is within you, what you have will save you.”

– The Gospel of Thomas

I have always wanted to feel normal. I have always wanted to be able to walk, talk eat and live as a normal able bodied person.

I have always made decisions and choices based on what I thought I needed to do so that I would appear to be a “normal” person rather than what I wanted to do. It was very important to me. It was so important to me that it lead to me being of mistakes on my part. I became very fearful of making them. I would make catastrophes of even small mistakes. It greatly undermined my confidence. Even so, I kept at web design, a long time, even though i could never seem to make any progress. The web seemed to evolve at a faster pace than I could stand. After quitting a job for which I wasn’t a good fit and struggling with a severe depressive episode, I decided to change direction completely and start talking my book seriously.

Not long after I started my new direction, I read this quote from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas. It resonated with me and seemed to reinforce what I was doing. So much so, that I began to read so more of it. In my opinion, it seemed to talk about transcending the world and societal expectations and following your own instincts which is what was, and still am attempting to do, in writing this book. I felt a sense of peace while reading quote. So, I continued writing and editing the book

The ongoing process of writing this book has indeed had its frustrating moments, but, for the most part I have been calm and happy. More happy than I ever was in web design. I am no longer depressed and I have better control over my thoughts and emotions. Perhaps that means that that one is “normal” when one is happy being oneself. I think Thomas would agree.

I’m about to celebrate my thirty-eighth birthday. Thirty-eight years on this planet and living my life has taught me one thing. Adversity is part of life, for everyone. But the hardest obstacles to get past are the ones we put in front of ourselves. Its okay to ask for help but we must never lose site of our own strengths and responsibilities. At then end of the day each of us is responsible for our own happiness. We cannot depend on other people to make us happy, that is our task alone.

I made this picture with Photoshop. A Ying/Yang represents duality, dark exists side by side with light for me this is how I feel about disability. A lot of darkness a lot of limitations But a lot of mental strength too That’s why I put a wheelchair in in the picture to represent very conflicted feelings. Its part of my life but not all of it. I also write and swim and do volunteer work. I’m also a gamer. I believe I live a full life despite my circumstance. That’s reason for pride. Ambivalence is the word I use to describe my feelings.

Pick a movie quote that describes your life. My favorite line from any movie would have to be from Batman in 1989, “You wanna get nuts? Come on lets get nuts!” Bruce Wayne is daring his opponent here, egging him on, as if he can hardly believe he can carry out his task. I’ve always felt that this line describes my life. When I was growing up, there were a lot fewer adaptions for disabled folks. I was also used to being segregated from other disabled folks. I’m cognitively typical but need physical help with a great deal of things. Sometimes people are shocked that I can do as much as I can. They’d think its nuts. That’s why I’d pick “Lets Get Nuts!”

What would you pick?

1. Learn what makes them happy then take it from them.

2. Learn what makes them afraid then force them to confront it.

3. Learn what makes them angry then force them to admit it.

4. Learn what they want most then give the strength to get it.

Happy fourth of July everyone! We have a great many freedoms in this country I think freedom of speech is the most important Jeri Taylor, a writer for Star Trek The Next Generation wrote, With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably.’ Remember, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you can do anything you wish that brings you joy. That is the meaning of freedom.

I have sent my manuscript to four people. I was rejected twice and I’m still waiting for the other two. Perseverance is required. Fortunately I’m a very stubborn person. Life has taught me not to give up.

My book got rejected. No reasons given. No advice for improvement. It hurts.. They’re other agents. Time to move on.