“If you give birth to that which is within you, what you have will save you.”
– The Gospel of Thomas
I have always wanted to feel normal. I have always wanted to be able to walk, talk eat and live as a normal able bodied person.
I have always made decisions and choices based on what I thought I needed to do so that I would appear to be a “normal” person rather than what I wanted to do. It was very important to me. It was so important to me that it lead to me being of mistakes on my part. I became very fearful of making them. I would make catastrophes of even small mistakes. It greatly undermined my confidence. Even so, I kept at web design, a long time, even though i could never seem to make any progress. The web seemed to evolve at a faster pace than I could stand. After quitting a job for which I wasn’t a good fit and struggling with a severe depressive episode, I decided to change direction completely and start talking my book seriously.
Not long after I started my new direction, I read this quote from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas. It resonated with me and seemed to reinforce what I was doing. So much so, that I began to read so more of it. In my opinion, it seemed to talk about transcending the world and societal expectations and following your own instincts which is what was, and still am attempting to do, in writing this book. I felt a sense of peace while reading quote. So, I continued writing and editing the book
The ongoing process of writing this book has indeed had its frustrating moments, but, for the most part I have been calm and happy. More happy than I ever was in web design. I am no longer depressed and I have better control over my thoughts and emotions. Perhaps that means that that one is “normal” when one is happy being oneself. I think Thomas would agree.